Gypsyblood2's Blog

Out with the old, in with the new.  My life is different and I am too! 🙂  Needed a new blog to start over fresh.

http://vroomcrunchsighjm.blogspot.com/

Feeling sad today, not wanting to go to work.  A long 2 days ahead of me before my weekend.  My stomach has been feeling upset and nervous.  I just want a day lounging in bed, a peaceful day.  I just want to feel loved.  It’s been a dark couple of weeks.

Lazy rainy Sundays.

Salad with fresh mozzarella and homemade croutons

Water in my beer glass

Dustin has chipmunk cheeks when he eats!

Veggie chicken alfredo

Things that I love about the weekend:

I drink coffee.  And not just any coffee, wonderful Boston Stoker Highlander Grogg coffee we got in Ohio.  It is the best coffee ever, and not just because I used to barista there.  I mix it with some almond milk and pure maple syrup and am in heaven.

Veggie bacon.  I salivate at the thought of the probably not that healthy for you Morning Star veggie bacon.  Easy to cook, no grease, and no animal flesh, bloody taste.

The witty banter between Dustin and I.  I have always mocked relationships based on witty banter because I felt it was all smoke and illusion.  But then again, I never dated a guy smart enough to keep up with me.  Until I met Dustin!  I love how full of talk and jokes our days are.

Target.  We usually go to Target once.  I blame it on the fact we both grew up in relatively boring towns where Target was the center of entertainment.

Dreams.  We do a lot of dreaming and we talk about art and travel and adventures to have.  We pull out our bikes or running shoes or cameras and learn and explore.  Anything feels possible.

Morning sex.  Do I have to say more?

Sometimes it feels it is easy to know a woman.   But it is not.  More than any other creature, she is tough.  And complex.  And yet you see her as so fragile.  She is not defined by how many men she has loved, or how many men have loved her.  Nor is she defined by her female lovers.  Her sexual experience, the states she’s lived in, drunken mistakes, calories she eats in a day, her pant size.  She is not a sex kitten, she is not a house keeper.  She is not known by how well she can bake a casserole, nor by any motherly instinct.  She is defined by how god damn tough she is.  Because women are so tough.  They have bruises and scars.  And they don’t hide them.  Her face is more than a canvas for make up; it has expressions and can hide tears she wants to cry as she breaks her limits.  She knows when to be kind and when to be stoic.  She knows how to be polite and how to aggressive.  She is the foundation for the people around her, she is the adventurous voice egging you on.  She is the one with goals that will get reached.

Listening to Adele’s new album, absolutely entranced.  My mom left after spending the weekend with us.  I miss her.  She took most of the pictures, I am waiting for them.  Sometimes I just love how I look through the lens of my mom.  It’s always more pure than in other pictures.  If that makes sense.

I am an independent woman.  At the age of 20, I was off and running.  My mom hadn’t lived in the house with us for months before that.  We just all knew it was time to let go of each other.  I am a strong person.

But right now, I am a mommy’s girl and it is taking every bit of self control I have to not hop in my car and drive to St. Louis.  I just want to feel safe and taken care of for a few more days.  Please.  I don’t want to be an adult this week.

One of my best friends ever is about to leave TN and move to VA.  I feel heart broken and lonely already.  So I focus on my motorcycle.

I haven’t posted in awhile because I have been dealing with a physical struggle.  It’s on going, but I have really dug deeper into my beliefs and reached out to a wide group of people and feel I am under going a huge transformation, gaining insight, and learning to live my life with a little more love, a little more patience, and a little more kindness.  And joy!  Learning to live my life with even more joy.

On that note, I have found huge comfort and passion in my little community.

I feel in Nashville, you are either a Vandy student on the west end, a tourist downtown, or you’re living in East Nashville.  I have huge pride in my neighborhood.  It has helped me become the health nut, exercise nut, dog nut, artist nut, passionate woman I am today.  And I’ve been here shy of a year.  That’s how amazing my town is.

I wouldn’t call me a hippie…or a vegan…or really any label at all.  I have a leather purse, and I have leather cowboy boots.  But this place has mellowed me out.  I feel calm.  Content.  Happy.  Strong enough to pursue my interests and dreams.  I’m surrounded by music.  I’m surrounded by life changing food, with a lot of options for meat free eaters like me.

And I have my beliefs.  I believe the more natural you are, the better.  I believe drinking your life away is a waste.  And I have been ridiculed.  I’ve been pressured to drink more when I was planning a motorcycle ride the next day.  And I’ve had to say, out loud in a bar, “I love my motorcycle more than I like drinking”.  I’ve been made fun of for my food choices.  People who haven’t heard of kale, kombucha, earth balance, chia seeds.  And I’ve ordered a tofu and grilled salad at a restaurant and got made fun of.  “Are you some vegan?!”  And I’ve lied about how many miles I can run in a day…heaven forbid you look like someone who enjoys running in a world where so many people hate exercise.

And I’ve decided that hiding who you are is the most painful and self destructive thing you can do.  It’s just not worth the time and the energy.  I love kale smoothies!  I care about what I put in my body.  I don’t crave fast food and I don’t like chocolate all that much.  Dessert is usually a sweet potato.  I love running, it is my “me” time.  I could spend all weekend riding my bike and playing with my Canon Rebel.  When I am stressed, I bake.  Or draw.  I love dogs, but I am scared of owning 2 again.  Coconut Oil is the only thing I use as a lotion or moisturizer.  I feel prettiest with helmet hair and sweaty body from my leather jacket.  My riding boots are my favorite shoes I own.  I am not a girly girl, although I do love curling my hair and putting on makeup.  I like the hard ass, I’m pretty but tough look.  I will always prefer pants over skirts.  Morning sex is my favorite, I am never in the mood at night.  Chips and salsa or guacomole is my favorite junk food.  I only wear eye make up on my top lid, I have stopped lining the bottom of my eye.  It has been the first time I get complimented on my eye make up.  Ghost Whisperer season 4 is the only thing that ever makes me get the marriage urge.  I have the sweetest boyfriend.  Seriously.  And don’t argue with that, because if your boyfriend has every yelled at you, or let you down…my boyfriend never has.  He hugs me when I yell, when I cry he makes up cheesy sayings to get me through, and we always fall asleep with him giving me a massage.  I have my dog’s old registration tag as a necklace that I wear to remind me to, yes, be more like my dog.  Because she doesn’t let fear run her life and because she greets each day enthusiastically.  I want to be more like her.

I am so done hiding who I am and my beliefs.